May 13, 2024

Grief and multipotentiality

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 1:25 pm by chavisory

A word I had never heard before until recently, while I was listening to this podcast episode, is “multipotentiality,” a term for when the realistic possibility exists for a child to achieve at very high levels in a wider-than-average variety of fields.

Emily Kircher-Morris and Dr. Jon W. Goodwin talk in this episode about the anxiety involved in multipotentiality, about how it would seem like having a larger range of strengths to draw on would make it easier to choose a career or field of study, and that parents and teachers often blithely assume that these students have nothing to worry about because they have so many options available, but how actually it can magnify a student’s anxiety and contribute to choice paralysis.

And I kind of wish I could say as someone for whom this was true, with the hindsight not only of age but also of having wound up in a career I do love, that life is long and it’s not worth worrying about, that you should do what you care about and trust that it’ll lead you in the right direction, that nothing has to be forever–and all of that can be true.

But also? There is a grief involved in it. There is a sense of loss about it. I do grieve all the things I wish I would’ve had the time or the bandwidth to do, that I haven’t and most likely won’t. I miss the careers as an artist or a writer or a conservationist or a dramaturg that I also could’ve had. I yearn for aspects of those lives. There have been paths that, because of my unacknowledged disabilities when I was younger, were never truly open to me, but there were ones that were. I would still love to do those things, and the reality is that I am not going to be able to do them all.

It is hard when you care about so much.

I’ve been talking with a friend a lot recently, also, about how when you’re also disabled, the time available to you is not the same time available to everyone else. The costs and tradeoffs of career choices are not the same. Whether physical disabilities or chronic illnesses mean that medical appointments, pain, fatigue, or fighting with insurance take up a lot of your time, or whether autism means that you wrestle with inertia and transitions, or motor planning takes up a ton of your energy, or you need vastly more time to internalize and distill information or have a daily word limit on your language use. And that when your passionate interests are very intense, very specific, and very eclectic, the avenues for them to find interest or funding or publication can get more and more limited.

And so a lot of the independent research and writing that we’re capable of is going to live forever in our hearts instead of ever being done.

I’ve probably got three non-fiction books in me and the probability of ever having the time to write them seems hopeless. I like to think I still could go to grad school or art school. But the fact of the matter is that the risks and obstacles involved would be higher for me than most people.

And for all that, I don’t think I chose wrong when I chose the career I have. I would also never have wanted not to have had this life. But the truth is that the choices I’ve made have had profound impacts on what my life is like and what my range of options moving forward is. In some ways that, sure, I could choose differently tomorrow if I really wanted to, and in others that are not revocable, and students for whom this is a true state are not wrong to be concerned that almost no matter what they choose, there are other paths that they are closing the door on, and that there can be grief involved in that.

April 21, 2024

Blogging “A Lost Lady”

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 1:21 pm by chavisory

I have once again picked up a Willa Cather novel off of a free community bookshelf and inadvertently fallen into liveblogging my way through it.

If anyone’s interested in following along, all posts are tagged “a lost lady” over at my Tumblr! Once again, not promising any particularly organized analysis, just thoughts as they occur!

April 16, 2024

I hate this city but I love it

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 8:44 pm by chavisory

Photograph is of peach and orange colored tulips, lit up by evening light, against a gray stone wall.

I was away this weekend to attend a memorial service in my hometown. I landed early enough on Sunday to go for an evening walk. It’s the time of year when golden hour turns truly gold, and it reminded me just a little bit what I’m doing here in the first place.

March 28, 2024

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 12:14 am by chavisory

A corner of the title page of "The Body: An Essay" by Jenny Boully is stamped in green ink as belonging to the Neil Hellman Library at the College of St. Rose in Albany, New York.

I really love seeing all the places where my Interlibrary Loan books have traveled here from.

(I wish I’d liked this book more; I liked the idea of it so much. It did remind me a lot in some ways of the Taiga Syndrome, so if you liked that one, you might give this a shot!)

March 12, 2024

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 12:34 am by chavisory

Here’s something I’ve gotten curious about:

I spent the whole first season of Outer Range desperately trying to get other people who had a sci-fi fandom background to talk to me about the show, because there are just so many familiar tropes and layers and references being played with in it, and…I couldn’t find very many, and I think that has a lot to do with how Amazon marketed the show.

Which was not as a cosmic horror/sci-fi. So I think it may be that not very many people who were fans of other more similar shows like Fringe or Dark started watching it.

And while that was frustrating to me personally, I actually think it’s kind of beautiful what they did accomplish, which was apparently to bring in a lot of viewership who didn’t seem to have almost any familiarity with other television sci-fi.

If that’s you–if you watched Outer Range and loved it, not knowing going in what it was, or not having watched or read much or any other sci-fi, I would actually love to hear about your experience of the show.

What did you think it was? What surprised you? What kept you watching? What do you think is going on?

March 10, 2024

Signpost

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 7:17 pm by chavisory

Image is of a tiny purple crocus flower, stuck into a decaying wooden trailer marker among dry brown leaves.

Still loving the new camera. Here’s one from my first spring hike last weekend.

February 20, 2024

The appropriation of “intentional community”

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 4:35 pm by chavisory

I’m continuing to adapt some of my Twitter threads into posts for easier archiving, access and sharing. This is adapted from a thread I wrote in 2022.

There’s a variety of housing development we’ve grown accustomed, I think, to reading articles about in the news world of autism and developmental disability. Particularly as the largest groups yet of autistic young people identified in childhood reach young adulthood and leave school in need of transition support services and housing resources. Often conceived of by groups of parents and families of autistic young adults, privately funded, frequently described as new or innovative models for providing housing and support resources in a streamlined, less onerous manner, these developments are often situated outside of metropolitan areas/in quasi-rural settings, and may or may not be located in such a way as to allow residents independent access to local communities and shopping, work, social or educational opportunities.

Autistic self-advocates, activists, and organizations often decry these arrangements as neo-institutions, based on the way they effectively segregate disabled residents from their broader communities and make service provision dependent on use of that segregated housing and vice versa. That they reconstitute, with a sanitized façade, all the risk factors for abuse of older institutions. Proponents arguing that they are not institutions and in fact should be considered eligible to receive HCBS funding—funding usually dedicated to ensuring that disabled people can receive the services necessary for them to live at home, in their own communities—and often refer to them as “intentional communities.”

[Tweet with the author’s photo and name blurred reads “My brother was in Willowbrook in the sixties. No one thinks Willowbrook was in any way ok by any long shot. But not all intentional communities are Willowbrooks.]

Critics and self-advocates say that “intentional community” is a naked attempt to rebrand institutions as something other than what they are, that “intentional community” is a euphemism for “institution.”

I tend to fall on the side of critics of these kinds of developments, which while I believe are undoubtedly well-intentioned, also have a high potential to foster abuse, unnecessarily isolate residents, and fail to enable true autonomy.

But something I think we’ve failed to emphasize is that “intentional community” here is not simply a misleading euphemism for neo-institutions, therapeutic farms, or segregated housing developments for autistic and developmentally disabled people.

Though it is misleading, on several levels, “intentional community” is also the term for a whole entire other movement, and a variety of housing and living situations that have nothing whatsoever to do with these places, and whose terminology is being appropriated for their misrepresentation.

And I know that the people spearheading support for these developments know that “intentional community” is not an accurate term for what they’re selling, but I’m not sure how many of the critics of these places realize that.

That “intentional community” is not just a term they made up. It is a term they are co-opting from a whole other movement and loose association of communities.

Here is the website for the Foundation for Intentional Community.

Here is a profile of one of the communities registered with FIC.

How much resemblance does this bear to the kind of housing development being pushed as “intentional community” by the people like the author of this tweet?

FIC defines an intentional community as “a group of people who have chosen to live together or share resources on the basis of common values.”

Wikipedia describes an intentional community as “a voluntary residential community,” being designed to have “a high degree of social cohesion and cooperation,” of people who often share ideals, political, social, or spiritual philosophy, and who typically share “responsibilities and property.”

An intentional community, by definition, is a group of people who’ve come together of their own volition to form and maintain a certain kind of community in line with their own values. The people who live in an intentional community are, by definition, actively involved in its control, maintenance, and governance.

“Not all intentional communities are Willowbrooks” is a technically true statement because, fundamentally, zero true intentional communities are Willowbrooks. Because Willowbrook was, by any good faith definition whatsoever, not an intentional community.

It was an institution.

Now, it is also true that not all institutions are Willowbrooks. There are many ways in which the disability rights and neurodiversity movements argue that all institutions are bad, but it’s true that they’re not all Willowbrooks. Willowbrook was a particularly bad institution.

(Though I’d be remiss not to note that institution survivors I’ve known have often said that the most insidiously dehumanizing institutions they’ve encountered have not necessarily been the ones that most resembled Willowbrook, but the ones where the grounds and buildings were beautiful, the rooms were clean and bright, and the staff were superficially kind. That what makes an institution are the power dynamics and not the architecture or whether there’s a pool, or the number of other people who live there, or even whether the physical abuse and neglect are particularly overt.)

But the reason “not all intentional communities are Willowbrooks” is because Willowbrook was not an intentional community.

And what that also does not mean is that all intentional communities, in the authentic sense of the term, are good places. I’m not a member of one, I’ve never lived in one (though I’ve known people who have), but just from my experience of human communities in general, I’d be willing to bet that they range from very good arrangements for some people, to very dysfunctional.

But their defining characteristic is that they are voluntary associations of people who are choosing to live together in a certain way, with a high degree of cooperation and coordination. They are not places where you send someone to live in a certain way because they are disabled or as a shortcut to meeting their support needs in a way that would allow them to live in a more integrated way with their wider community.

That would be an institution. (Or a congregate care facility. Or a group home.)

“But what,” goes a frequent question, “if someone wants to live with all other disabled people?”

That’s cool! I think they should be allowed to. There might even be an intentional community for that.

But if someone is being placed or sent to live in a place with all other disabled people such that they don’t have control over their access to the broader community or how they live or where they don’t share in cooperative control of that community, they are not in an intentional community.

That’s a term that refers to a distinct set of movements and philosophy of living with its own entire history, which is being misappropriated by advocates of a housing model that more closely fits the description and history of an institution… or that could, I think, resemble something more like a supportive housing arrangement, if the people formulating these places had more awareness of how not to recreate an institution.

And I don’t want to drag them into it unwillingly, but I would be very curious what participants in the actual intentional community world would think of the attempt to brand neo-institutions or segregated housing developments as part of what their movement stands for.

February 19, 2024

Reading

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 7:20 pm by chavisory

Copy of journalist and author Robert A. Caro's book, "Working: Researching, Interviewing, Writing," on a cafe table next to a chai latte in a white mug with cinnamon on top.

I’m facing up to the possibility of having to write a book that I don’t really want to have to write (mostly because I just wish it already existed), but Robert A. Caro is giving me comfort and insight.

I’ve never even read one of his biographies (yet), but I saw an exhibition on his writing process last year at the New-York Historical Society Museum, the way he drafted everything by hand like I do, and thought “huh, maybe there is actually a way for me to do this.”

February 18, 2024

The flood

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , at 8:49 pm by chavisory

God said to Noah and to his sons with him, “As for me, I am establishing my covenant with you and your descendants after you, and with every living creature that is with you, the birds, the domestic animals, and every animal of the earth with you, as many as came out of the ark. I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set my bow in the clouds, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh. When the bow is in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is on the earth.” -Genesis 9:8-17

I visited a new church this morning, and this was the reading from the Old Testament. And it wasn’t the direction the pastor went with it in the sermon, but I couldn’t help wondering whether or how anyone has preached on these verses with reference to climate change recently and its increasingly apparent dire consequences.

What does it mean that we have a covenant with God in which He says He will never again destroy the earth and all life in a flood, but the ice caps are melting? We are suffering from and will continue to suffer from catastrophic, life-altering flooding from extreme weather and rising sea levels.

Is the covenant technically not broken as long as all life doesn’t perish (which is unlikely, even in the very worst case scenario)?

Is it possible for humanity to have broken covenant with God not to destroy the earth with flooding, even if He didn’t break it with us?

Has anyone experienced a church or a pastor addressing climate change in either words or actions in what feels like a particularly effective way?

February 13, 2024

Hey

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 8:53 pm by chavisory

More play with my new camera! Here’s one of my favorite recent shots, from the last snow day in New York before this one.

Photo of a gray, white, and lavender colored pigeon hunching slightly on a fire escape railing in light snow. He's looking back over his shoulder at me with a pointed look in his eye.

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