October 13, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 2:01 am by chavisory

I know it’s been quiet around here lately.  It’s not an intentional silence or hopefully an overly long one.

I could make the expected excuses about being busy (true), or that I went from unemployed to very employed in a blink (true), or that I’m working intensely on finishing up another project (true).  Which are all true, but not the whole reasons.

One factor is that I actually have a great deal that I feel like I need to write, but most of which I probably can’t publish.  Not now and possibly not ever.  For either personal or other reasons.  But they still feel like important things to say, and to commit to paper, so I’m dedicating some time to doing that.

I halfway considered getting a secret blog for some of it (yes, I use a pseudonym here, but most of my social network knows that this is me, and a very minor amount of research using information I’ve provided would probably tell you who I am), but honestly I’m just not up for the work of maintaining yet another internet identity and ensuring that it remains secret.

I’ve gotten bad at splitting my identity up into pieces.

Not unrelatedly, I’ve found myself irritated with a lot of my own writing.  Simultaneously with how much I feel compelled to over-explain, and how much I feel like I have to leave out.  I’m working on both of those things, with trusting my voice and my words, and saying everything that actually needs saying, with less concern for a potential audience.

The result is writing that I’m happier with, and also less able to publish.

The third thing is that I’ve been feeling a little futile about blogging.  I know that’s not really true.  I know I’ve written valuable things.  A couple of which have been republished and are actually now getting me paid on a semi-regular basis.

But I look at what’s happening politically, and…too many of my posts from four to five years ago are just recyclable.  I look at what’s happening in the world, particularly with regards to police violence and Black Lives Matter, and I just don’t even know what I can say to people who really don’t believe it’s happening.  Or don’t see a problem.  I feel like I’ve been saying a lot of the same things for a long time, and not very much is different.

And maybe that’s self-important, to think that it should be.  But it seems time to go in a slightly different direction, and I’m not entirely sure what that is yet.