December 23, 2011

Onion-esque, volume 5

Posted in Onion-esque tagged , , , at 12:08 am by chavisory

While I gather my wits for a more substantial post, please enjoy this edition of “Headlines that should be from the Onion, but are not.”

“Despite careful calculations, the world does not end.” –New York Times, 5/21/11

“City strewn with perverts.” –AMNY, 6/15/11  (I know the situation isn’t funny, but the imagery is.)

“Girls Meet Bieber in Meeting Brokered by President Obama.” –, 6/27/11

“China admits officials cannot levitate.” –New York Times, 6/30/11

“Cowboy monks quit the cattle business.” –New York Times, 8/14/11

“Bisexual men do exist, study finds.” –New York Times, 8/21/11

“Why do college students love getting wasted?” –, 8/29/11

“Do we really need a national weather service?” –, 8/27/11 (i.e., the weekend of Hurricane Irene, which swiped the entire east coast of the United States from the Carolinas to Massachusetts and Vermont.  Yeah.)

“White House Says No Evidence of Extra-Terrestrials.” –AP, 11/7/11

“Rick Perry fails to remember what agency he’d get rid of in GOP debates.” –, 11/9/11

“Starbucks toilet mutiny exposes reliance.” –New York Times, 11/22/11


  1. “City strewn with perverts” made me chuckle, and the Fox News/National Weather Service one made me roll me eyes. Onion-esque, to the max.

  2. Grumpa Joe said,

    How much better can you get? The one about Extra-Terrestrials got me to thinking that is because they are all in the White House. Because they all look the same they don’t recognize each other.
    Merry Christmas.

    • chavisory said,

      Wasn’t that an episode of “The Simpsons,” during the Clinton/Dole campaign, where they both turned out to be from the same faction of evil aliens?

      Merry Christmas yourself!

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