Onion-esque headlines, volume 4

April 1, 2011

Onion-esque headlines, volume 4

Time for another edition.  Happy April Fool’s Day, everyone!

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“Computer calculates most boring day ever.” –Time, 11/28/10

“German customs officials seize fake canned unicorn meat.” –Time, 12/2/10

“Palin denies Tea Party’s involvement in Dancing with the Stars.” –Jezebel.com, 12/7/10

“Dubai jails ‘wizard’ who promised rain of cash.” –New York Times, 1/12/11

“AOL buys another crack at a future.” –New York Times, 2/7/11

“Scientists discover how to make squids go completely berserk.” –Christian Science Monitor, 2/18/11

“Aussies warned to flee killer birds.” –newser, 2/18/11

“[John] Edwards lies low, but that won’t last.” –New York Times, 2/28/11

“Avril Lavigne not quite a grown-up.” –New York Magazine, 3/8/11

“Study undercuts view of college as a place of same-sex experimentation.” –New York Times, 3/17/11

“Fight waged with forks is rejoined in Congress.” –New York Times, 3/17/11

“Young people with old souls prefer records to CD’s.” –New York Times, 3/21/11

“Gay bar mourns Elizabeth Taylor.” –New York Times, 3/24/11

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